That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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