Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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