Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
even my farts smell like vagina
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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