fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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