i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
