I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
