i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
