i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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