Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
