peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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