What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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