he shaved USA in his pubs
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
