I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
