They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
