What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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