also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
