it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
