Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
