I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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