Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
