Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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