Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just had sex on a roof
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
