The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
