i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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