when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
