Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
