Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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