so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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