She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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