i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
