not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
