$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We got so high we made milksteak
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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