College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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