....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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