i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
