Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
