the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
