Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
foreskin is a definite game changer
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
