I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
