she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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