we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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