I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
