Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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