i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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