I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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