What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
