i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
