Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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