Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
worst night to have a conscience
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
