3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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