just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
