somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
