He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
