Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
