You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
